How to Know if Your Goal is “Unrealistic”

I once asked my 6-year-old nephew what he wanted to be when he grew up. His answer was, “I fireman. And a helicopter pilot. And a fisherman. And a water balloon thrower.” Naturally. The idea of something being “unrealistic” hadn’t yet entered his mind. As far as he was aware, if he could think of it, he could do it. As adults, we lose that ability to dream big, and instead we focus on what’s certain, what’s efficient, what’s realistic. Being realistic has a level of importance, even necessity, when we hit adulthood. So as a coach who works with adults on setting and achieving big goals, it’s not a surprise that the question of, “Is this realistic?” comes up whenever I coach someone on going after their dream.

But if something is “realistic” or not is totally an optional thought. There is no fact there. “Realistic” is an idea, and if something is realistic or not is something that you can decide.

So here’s the truth: anything can be realistic.

And here’s another truth: you can go after a goal even if it’s not realistic.

So reading that, your brain is probably now doing a round of the “Yeah Buts” right about this…. If your brain is anything like mine, it loves the Year Buts. It sounds something like this: “Yeah but I’m a 45 year old woman and my goal is to play for the Celtics - that’s unrealistic! See, it doesn’t work!” And OK brain, sure, it probably is (I mean, never say never and all….). But what’s happening here, when you notice your brain go to the “Yeah Buts,” is actually not about the “playing for the Celtics” type goal. It’s likely that something else is actually happening:

Your brain is finding reasons why the idea that “there’s no such thing as an unrealistic goal” is wrong, because your brain (and my brain, and every other human brain) doesn’t like to have to put out effort, or do anything new. Your brain likes what’s familiar, and easy, because familiar and easy are “safe”. And your brain’s job is to keep you safe. That’s what it’s wired to do. Going after a goal that is “unrealistic” is NOT safe, and telling you that something is unrealistic is a great way for your brain to get you to not make any changes, and stay safely put right where you are now.

Here’s a question to ask yourself if you really are thinking that your goal is unrealistic: do you actually want to accomplish THAT goal? What I mean is. do you truly have the goal of “playing for the Celtics”? Or is your goal to have a job that is in professional sports? Or has some buzz and excitement around it? Or has some other appealing aspect that you’re seeking in the goal of finding a new job? Rather than let your brain shut down your dream, you can just ask your brain a few more questions about what you’re really after and see what comes up.

And I’ll round this out by also reminding you of something you’ve probably seem on a million inspirational IG posts (but that doesn’t make it any less true): Do you know how many things weren’t realistic at one point that we have fully normalized now? Cars, frozen foods, iphones, the internet, the ability for a corrupt reality star to become President of the United States (possibly twice)….none of those things were realistic until someone said, “Well, what if we tried it anyway?”

That’s what your job is when it comes to your goals. You get to decide that what you want is realistic, or that it doesn’t matter if it’s not - because you’re going to go for it anyway.

And here’s the thing I’ll leave you with on this one: who CARES if it’s not realistic? The whole point of setting a big goal is not actually to achieve it (although that’s what we’re aiming for). The point is for you to use that goal to become the kind of person who can achieve that big, even impossible, thing. The point is to see who you turn into along the way to your goal. The point is to go for it anyway, because it’s in the going for it that all the transformation that you hope you’ll get once you achieve your goal, actually happens.