5 Reasons to Start Something New After the Age of 40

I saw a video on Instagram of a toddler in hysterics because she wanted to use a red plastic pail to build a sandcastle at the beach. Her brother was using the pail, so her mom had handed her a yellow one instead.

And of course, a meltdown ensued. This little girl sobbed into her sand-covered hands that she’d only ever used the red pail to build a sand castle before, and the yellow one wouldn’t work. She didn’t know or care that the yellow pail would get the job done just as well. She just knew that she was being given something new, and she wanted the thing she was familiar with instead. So she cried, someone recorded the drama, and parents all over the internet watched the video with a knowing laugh. 

Toddlers often have trouble with what’s unfamiliar - but let’s be honest, so do full grown adults. The new yellow pails in our adult life may be that career we’re wishing we could move into, the new relationship we want to pursue, the weight we want to lose, the secret overspending habit we want to finally break….Whatever it is, we have our adult tantrums just like toddlers on the beach, they just look different; they usually look like us avoiding “newness” altogether. Rather than go after what we want, we usually think of it, and then think of all the reasons it’s not possible for us to have it now (“I’m too old…It’s too late….It’s too risky….I’ll look stupid….I should have done this sooner…”) and we then dismiss it entirely from our minds. We fail ahead of time. We stop before we even get started.

It’s a total fucking bummer.

There are a million reasons why we have a near automatic “Nope, I just can’t” reaction to wanting to pursue something new, specifically once we reach adulthood. Some of those reasons biological; our brains are wired to keep us safe, and to do that means to repeat what’s familiar since our brains recognize the familiar as, “Well that didn’t kill us, must be OK”.

Some of the reasons are societal; humans feel more comfort in groups, and we don’t want to risk being voted off the island. The best way we know to stay in the group is to be like the group - which means don’t do anything outside the norm. 

Some of them are emotional; we don’t like feeling emotions that are uncomfortable, and newness can often create feelings of uncertainty, anxiety or fear. We’d rather not feel those emotions - so we avoid the new thing to avoid those emotions. 

Some of them are learned norms: we’re not supposed to feel or look or be unfamiliar or awkward when attempting something past the age of learning to ride a bike with no training wheels. We’d rather do nothing new at all than risk looking like a “beginner” at any age after being a “beginner” is normal to us, traditionally.

Usually, we avoid doing something new for a mix of these or other reasons which all feel very logical, rational, and correct in our minds, which are just doing their jobs: prioritizing safety and minimizing risk. 

The asterisk that needs to be placed on this concept though is that the brain doesn’t know the difference between physical risk or emotional risk. In other words, your brain will equate the risk of standing in the way of oncoming traffic with the risk of applying for a new job. One may quite literally kill you - and your brain screaming “NO!” if you have a thought about dodging traffic makes sense. Your brain having the same reaction to your act of applying for a new job? Not as rational. It’s like the toddler - it just doesn’t know the difference. 

This is why doing anything new is scary - whether it’s conquering your fear of heights by going to the top of the building, or conquering your fear of rejection by asking for that promotion. 

Add on top of all of this the stories we have about what it means to be 40, what we’re supposed to have done/accomplished/saved/completed by this made-up-milestone-birthday and what we’re supposed to now just live with for the rest of our lives, and it’s zero wonder at all why we feel scared to start anything new.

So when I meet people who want to leave their jobs, start a business, launch a podcast, get in great shape, get remarried, move to a new country, or do anything that would require them to be a beginner after the age of 40ish, it’s not surprising at all that very few of them are serious about pursuing that thing. And I can totally understand the hesitation, for all the reasons listed above and a million more that I’ve heard from clients.

The only thing is, I don’t believe those reasons. I actually think the exact opposite - for every reason there is to NOT start something new after the age of 40, there’s a reason to do it. So in that vein, I’m giving you 5 of my favorite reasons why 40+ is the perfect time to start doing something new:

1) You have relevant experience - whether you technically do or not. By now, you’ve lived some life. So whether you are looking to move into a whole new career or start a business or date outside your gender or start investing for the first time….No matter what you want to do that’s new, you’ve had some experience that you can relate to this new endeavor. Ask your brain to come up with examples right now and see what comes up.

Note: Your brain may be telling you, “No, this is totally new for me, I don’t have any relevant experience!” but don’t believe it; that’s just your brain throwing a tantrum about the beach pail. Keep asking it, “What are my transferable skills? What experiences do I have that are parallel to this new thing? What skills did I gain from X that can help me with Y?” and see what comes back. It’s amazing how few things there are that we have truly, never, ever done anything similar to before. Your brain will offer you help here; just put it to work to do so.

2) You also have experience in another way: you have experience successfully doing shit you’ve never done before. This one I love because it gets much deeper and ultimately is even more useful. Sure, you might not be able to say, “Well I never navigated a divorce that brought me to my knees for 3 years before I did that for the first time, but here I am standing up again!” in an interview for a job in a brand new field (or maybe you can…). But you can go into that interview knowing, “I’ve handled much harder shit than this interview” and know that you mean it. The confidence that’s available for you to tap into after 40 when you look back at all of the total unknowns you navigated, survived, and even thrived through is one of the best untapped superpowers of being a 40-something.

3) You have a larger network than when you were younger, or you know of a lot more people even if you don’t know them personally. When you’ve been around longer, you know more people, are connected to more people, or at least know how to get to more people. Sure, your number of followers on Instagram may pale in comparison to the average Gen Z-er who grew up on the internet, but eve if you haven’t stayed in touch with old colleagues or kept up with friending every acquaintance on social media, you have a network which you can tap into - and the odds of the people in that network being engaged and able to help you out is much higher, because those peers very well may be after the same thing you are: a change. Lean into the people you know, or know of. They’re waiting to hear from you.

4) You have a respect for time and an ability to use it much more wisely. Let’s be clear: time moves fast, and it’s true that the older you get the more you recognize that. One of the upsides of this is that you have a respect for time in your 40s that you just can’t have when you’re younger and the future looks so far away. And because of that, you have an ability to use your time more wisely now. You know what matters and what doesn't, what’s worth investing in and what isn't, what’s worth getting fired up about and what just doesn’t need your attention like that. Prioritizing, time management and knowing where to put your energy becomes much easier now.

5) You have/make/can access more money, more credit, or more creative ways to use what you have than you did in the past. Yes yes, you might have more financial obligations now than you did in your younger years, but you also have the benefit of time working for you here. You may be earning a lot more now, have a lot more credit, more in savings, or more access to people and ideas of where and how to find and use the money you want or need to propel your big pivot forward. Don’t let the money scare you off here; it’s just math. And as a 40-something you have way more power, knowledge and access than you realize to make or manage your money in a way to work for you now. 

Your brain will always have a fear-based reaction when you want to do something new. But just managing the like the toddler having her meltdown, you don’t have to engage. You have the power to discern what’s a valid fear that you need to listen to, and what’s a manageable one you just need to, well, manage. And you can do that. Right now is the time. Start moving forward on whatever it is you want to change, go after, or accomplish. 

You have the ability to make your pivot, after 40 or at any time. You’ve got this.

After all, you’re a grown up.